The Absolute Art of Doing NOTHING

Have you ever woke up with the question “Are you a donkey?” addressing yourself, which sounds more passionate and effective in Armenian like “Du esh es?” I give myself this question in the mornings when I wake up with the feeling that I wasted my previous day or did something extremely stupid last night. In some periods of life this happens quite often and the expression “killing the time” is just right for those situations. Today it’s already 2nd day I’m not just killing but murdering my time very cruelly. It feels like a slow suicide but I enjoy it, doing absolutely nothing and pretending to have thousand other lives to waste with just same passion. I’m pretty sure this happens to everyone. You decide to do something important the next day or finally write the essay you had to write two days ago and missed the deadline but end up being in your bed at 6 pm with a lake of enthusiasm and motivation to wake up at all or get dressed and star a day (night). Usually, during holidays or weekends, I live like this, spend the whole night awake and sleep during the day but having fun with friends or watching movies never made me think like I am killing time. However, now when I try to remember what I did for last two days I just can’t. It’s impossible for my brain to remember any worthy moment just because there was no important episode during those two days. Honestly, I did not spend nights by watching movies or partying, I did not even get out of the house, did not even leave my room, I decided to write that goddamn essay and as far as I remember I spent 6  hours on it so WHERE IS MY ESSAY? What the hell did I do for 6 long hours? If I’m not Nietzsche, Freud or some other philosopher than there is something really strange going on here. Of course, the idea of sleeping 13 hours and spending the remaining 8 on listening music and thinking sounds not as fun as it actually was. Maybe sometimes we just need to feel like we don’t exist, to feel ourselves out of life, out of space, out from our own bodies? Maybe the absolute art of doing nothing is just a way to cut our connection with the world and connect to the universe, become part of something bigger, something that is impossible to explain, that is the middle of a sweet, magnetic dream and reality. It seems like finding universal truths and answers that you were always seeking for. Though this feels like real nirvana, remember that after, the feeling of being “esh” and wasting time will reveal and all the “truths” you thought you found will seem like stupid clichés. Also, the essays’ deadlines will shrink in the horizon, but don’t you need it? Don’t you need to be dead for at least one day? Here it is, the absolute art of doing nothing, pretend like you’re dead and everything else is just fine in this universe.

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Gyulnara Hambardzumyan

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